Neurodivergence and Communication

By: Madison Ringer 

Neurodivergence affects the way people experience relationships as well as the effecting the communication in relationships. First off neurodivergency is in Oxford Dictionary terms a “differing in mental or neurological function from what is considered typical or normal”. This term is most commonly known with diagnoses like  ASD (Autism spectrum disorder) and ADHD (Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder). However neurodivergence has a very broad spectrum as it relates to all neurological functions outside of the norm. In this post I will be focusing on how communication in the workplace, relationships (romantic, sexual and platonic) is affected by neurodivergence, the shortcomings of sexual education and how that can affect neurodivergent relationships,  as well as the struggles that come from having to mask (hide neurodivergent tendencies and processes) in social situations.

The Emotional Architecture Of Intimate Relationships 

Intimate relationships affect routine and way of life differently for those who are neurodivergent. For neurodivergent individuals the hardest part of relationships is often the initial interaction of getting to know someone, their patterns and mannerisms being learned and understood, and the break up, the change in routine, the lack of a previously constant presence that one gets used to over time. Learning to live without someone is hard despite neurotype but it's even more difficult when so many base functions and tasks typically had another person and now one has to come to terms with the drastic and sudden change in that previously comfortable routine.

Sensory needs, Sexual Communication, and the Gaps in Sex Ed

The gaining and losing of connection and presence isn’t the only difficult part of intimate relationships, the sexual aspect of relationships can also be hard to manage for neurodivergent individuals. This isn’t to say that communication of sexual boundaries isn't difficult for most people when going into a relationship but it does encompass a differing perspective when neurodivergence is involved. Many neurodivergent individuals experience more sensory limits than their neurotypical counterparts. This leads to needs being unmet on both sides of the relationship. This can typically be traced back to the lack of attention given to sexual education. When taught in school about relationships and general sexual education the communication that precedes the act is seldom taught, leaving many to believe that their partner should just know what they want and their limits without prior discussion.

Neurotype Compatibility and the Myth of "Easy" Communication 

Now with the discussion of the disparities in communication between neurodivergent and neurotypical pairings we must also talk about the differences in communication between neurodivergent individuals. You might think that communication between two neurodivergent individuals is easier but this is not always the case this is where the discussion of neurotype comes into play. A neurotype is an individual's way of processing information. It's why there are so many different learning styles; so when discussing neurodivergent compatibility, typically those who have similar neurotypes will be more compatible. Individuals with similar neurotypes will typically need less verbal communication as they already generally understand the thought process that occurs behind an action. However when two individuals with distinctly different neurotypes interact there is a greater potential for miscommunication and a general lack of empathy because there is a lack of  understanding. This potential for miscommunication is present in neurotypical and neurodivergent pairings but it can be greater when two neurodivergent individuals with different neurotypes are paired (pertaining to all forms of relationships: romantic, platonic, or work place).

Misunderstood at Work: The "Why" Behind the Question

Another form of interaction that can be heavily affected by neurodivergence is workplace interaction. Unlike their neurotypical co-workers, neurodivergent individuals often ask for the “why?” of a task before they can complete it, as understanding why a task is being done is not a means to decide how important it is it is often just a precursor to figure out how effectively to do a task or simply because one does not understand why the task is being done in the first place. However in the work place this is seen as insubordinate behavior and questioning a superior with the basis of malicious intent. Despite how far this is from the truth, this simple act of communication in an attempt to understand why one is completing a task or knowing why it is done a specific way leads to a difficulty in holding down jobs. Having to process things differently means needing a different form of instruction, however when this is communicated it is often seen as combative behavior leading to greater struggle for neurodivergent individuals whose main goal is understanding.

The Exhaustion of Masking and the Cost of Conformity 

There is a lot of stigma around neurodivergency and that leads to the internalization of neurotypical norms. Many neurodivergent individuals feel the need to mask their neurodivergent tendencies to fit into neurotypical spaces. This requires constant self policing in order to maintain the understanding of others.  The suppression of neurodivergent behavior such as, but not limited to, stimming (repetitive, purposeless movements or actions that individuals engage in to regulate their emotions, sensory experiences, or focus) can lead to burnout as masking a core part of function is exhausting mentally and emotionally. Masking is typically done to avoid stereotyping and discrimination and because masking is frequently learned at a young age in schools it silences effective communication and prevents the discovery of effective coping mechanisms for neurodivergent individuals as they are more concerned with conforming to neurotypical society

Conclusion

Overall, the neurodivergence is not particularly a hindrance on the life of the individual but it is made harder when attempting to combat preconceived neurotypical notions of communication and general societal expectations for neurotypical behavior

References

Beato, A., Sarmento, M. R., & Correia, M. (2024). Experiencing intimate relationships and sexuality: A qualitative study with Autistic adolescents and adults. Sexuality and Disability, 42(2), 439–457. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11195-024-09838-x

Hennekam, S., Hayward, S. M., & Bastian, B. L. (2025). Neurodiversity, gender, and work. Gender, Work and Organization, 32(5), 1715–1721. https://doi.org/10.1111/gwao.13218

Fraumeni-McBride, J. (2024). Autism, ADHD, sexual compulsivity, and problematic pornography use: A sexual psychosocial communication disparity in disability. Sexual Health & Compulsivity, 31(4), 298–323. https://doi.org/10.1080/26929953.2024.2368538

Glass, D., & Yuill, N. (2024). Moving together: Social motor synchrony in Autistic peer partners depends on partner and activity type. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 54(8), 2874–2890. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-023-05917-8

Hennekam, S., Kulkarni, M., & Beatty, J. E. (2025). Neurodivergence and the persistence of neurotypical norms and inequalities in educational and occupational settings. Work, Employment and Society, 39(2), 449–469. https://doi.org/10.1177/09500170241255050